How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship?

“He never hit me. So for years, I thought it wasn’t abuse.”

That’s how Nina, my friend, tells it now, voice steady but distant like someone remembering a room she used to be trapped in. 

Nina is 29. She’s bright, ambitious, and the kind of woman who people turn to for advice. On the outside, everything looked fine. 

She had a job she loved, friends who cared, and a boyfriend who, as she puts it, “knew how to say all the right things.”

He bought her flowers. He held her hand at parties. He told her she was beautiful when she cried.

But in private, he chipped away at her slowly – not with fists, but with silence, shame, and invisible chains.

“I can’t believe you’re wearing that to work. What message are you sending?”

“Why do you need to talk to your mom every day? She never supported you anyway.”

“You’re so sensitive. I was just joking.”

It wasn’t just what he said, it was the way she began doubting her own thoughts.

At first, she told herself it was love. That maybe she was too sensitive. That he was “just intense.” 

But over time, she lost herself. Her laugh. Her confidence. Her opinions. 

Nina stopped texting her friends back. She stopped sharing her dreams because he made them sound silly.

She even stopped singing in the shower, because he once said she sounded childish.

“It felt like I was disappearing, quietly,” she says. “Like I had to become small enough to fit inside the version of me he could control.”

In the next few minutes, you’ll learn how to:

• Recognize the hidden signs of emotional abuse
• Understand why leaving feels impossible (even when you know something’s wrong)
• Take real, practical steps to protect yourself – emotionally, physically, and legally

And most importantly, reclaim your voice and your future.

Why People Stay in Abusive Relationships

It’s easy to ask, Why didn’t you leave?

But if you’ve ever been in it, you know the better question is: What happened to make you stay?

Abuse doesn’t start with cruelty. It starts with love. Attention. Obsession. Intensity.

Then come the rules. The subtle digs. The punishments. The makeups that feel like rescue.

This pattern – love, harm, apology, repeat – creates a trauma bond. A psychological trap that convinces you to stay, even when your gut is screaming to run.

You don’t stay because you’re weak.You stay because you’re trauma-trained to believe pain equals passion, and chaos equals love.

Signs of an Emotionally Abusive Relationship

Some red flags look like romance at first:

• They text constantly and panic when you don’t reply
• They say, “I only act this way because I care so much.”
• They make fun of your dreams, then say they’re just being honest
• They slowly disconnect you from friends, family, and your independence
• You feel guilty for setting boundaries
• You can’t recognize the person you used to be

If these resonate, know this: Emotional abuse is still abuse.Even if no one else sees it. Even if you can’t explain it yet.

Nina says the hardest part wasn’t deciding to leave. It was deciding to believe herself.

“I kept hoping he’d go back to the guy I met at the beginning.  The one who made me feel like the only person in the room. But I realized that guy never really existed. He was a mask.”

Her breaking point came on a quiet afternoon. She had just found out she was late – possibly pregnant. And instead of joy or fear, what she felt was dread.

“I remember looking at myself in the mirror and thinking, ‘If you bring a child into this, they’ll learn that this is what love looks like.’ I couldn’t let that happen.”

So she planned. Quietly. Carefully. She saved money, packed a bag, told only one friend, me and one morning, while he was at work, she left.

How to Get Out of an Abusive Relationship: A Realistic Path

Leaving is not about walking away. It’s about unlearning the lie that you can’t.

It’s about reclaiming the pieces of yourself that were never meant to be controlled – your voice, your choices, your freedom.

And while leaving may feel terrifying, confusing, or even impossible right now – there is a way forward. One step at a time.

1. Name It Honestly

Stop calling it “just a rough patch.” Start saying the truth: This is abuse. That’s how you begin to get your power back.

2. Write It Down

Keep a journal or secret digital log. Not just what happened, but how it made you feel. This will help you trust your memory again  and could be important if you need legal protection.

3. Make a Safety Plan

Don’t wait until you “feel ready.” Abusers often escalate when they sense you’re pulling away.

• Stash cash, ID, meds, essentials.
• Research shelters or friends you can stay with.
• Memorize key numbers.

4. Cut Contact When You Go

Block them. Delete photos. Disable mutual tracking apps.Every message, every call  even the kind ones  can reopen the trauma bond.

5. Get Professional Support

A trauma-informed therapist can help you rebuild your sense of safety, self-worth, and truth.

You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

What Healing Really Looks Like

After Nina left, she didn’t feel strong. She felt numb.

“I cried over everything. I felt guilty for being happy. I missed him sometimes and hated myself for it. But I stayed gone.”

Healing, she says, looked like:

• Sleeping without anxiety meds for the first time in years
• Laughing so hard with friends that she forgot to check her phone
• Journaling about the girl she used to be — and who she was becoming now

“I wasn’t rebuilding. I was rebirthing.”

If you’ve been waiting for a sign – this is it. You’re not crazy. You’re not overreacting.You are waking up. 

And one day,  maybe not today, but soon you’ll feel sunlight on your face again. You’ll laugh without flinching. You’ll trust yourself without second-guessing.

And that will be your freedom story.

Ready to Reclaim What Was Always Yours?

If Nina’s story feels familiar…

If you’ve ever shrunk yourself to be loved, doubted your own memory, or stayed when your soul was screaming to run – please hear this:

You were never broken.

You were surviving the best way you knew how.

That’s why we want to present something that was made exactly for women like you.

Chaptly is a gentle, story-led healing app designed for survivors of emotional abuse and invisible control.

Through a 90-day journey, you’ll slowly rebuild what was taken – your voice, your confidence, your sense of safety.

Each day, you’ll unlock short, grounding missions with trauma-informed insights, reflective journaling prompts, and micro-rituals that meet you where you are.

Not to fix you.

To remind you of the woman you were before he made you doubt her.

Join the Chaptly waitlist and be the first to access the app when it launches.

Because healing doesn’t have to be dramatic.

It just has to be yours.

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